i can't hear myself

2009-10-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the somewhat depressing blog yesterday. I need to quit that. :)

On and much brighter note, things could be much worse.

2009-10-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, I've been here a month, wait no, more like six weeks. I still haven't found my place. Sure, I'm in a much better position compared to last year. But really, I'm still lonely, and friendless. But I do know a lot more people, so that's good... And I've been volunteering and I'm hopefully going to go on a service trip this spring break. :) If I don't make friends on that, I know, I'm hopeless. :(

I feel like i have some sort of social anxiety.

That aside, I can't seem to get into my classes. I go to them, but I don't really study as much as I used to. It's kind of like. I don't care? But I do, I swear I do.

I just feel like this year, overall, has been a very hard one for me. Moving to a new city, losing lots of friends, dealing with racism like no other..

i miss my grandma. i think about her everyday. and i never thought that i could miss someone so much. she was seriously, my rock. she would guide me down the right path.. and now without her i feel like my world is falling apart. my uncle is not the same, my mother is tired as ever, my dad is more and more overwhelmed with work, my brother is the same as always, and my sister, who has always had tons of friends, is having a hard time at college.

then there is me. lonely broken adrianna. i feel like a pea without a pod.

i feel like a lone wolf. or maybe an ugly duckling, because i don't look like anyone here. and i certainly wasn't raised like them either.

i can't seem to get it right. i feel trapped..

xoxo

FRESH START

2009-09-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of my "fresh start", new classes, new year, new almost EVERYTHING. But I can't help but worry that I might fall back into my old ways. But I will try harder this year. :)

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm praying for a change.

Adrianna

2009-07-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

oh hey blog, i forgot all about you. i've got some thoughts to write down.

1. School. In a month I will be back at UWM, an I have to decided what I want to get out of school. And I want more than just my Engineering Degree. I am almost half way done with college, and i can't help but say that i got more out of high school. maybe it has to do with the fact that i've transfered school, but i really don't have that many friends in milwaukee, sad but true. i have a new on campus job. so hopefully i'll make some friends with that. i'm thinking about joining a historically black sorority but who knows. all i do is pray that i'll be able to find a group of people i feel comfortable with in milwaukee, because i know that they are there.

2. Michael Jackson. People don't realize how much he truly meant to the black community. and i don't think they ever will. he meant CHANGE. he was the first of many things. i've ALWAYS, loved MJ, and i piece of him will live though me.

3. physics. i got an F on my first test. then on two test i got B's. and on this last one a got an A. most improved? most likely. :) too bad i have a C, and a huge final at the end of the week, i better do well. time to study?

4. myself. currently i'm overweight and i'm trying to lose 20 lbs, to get down to a healthy weight, but it's hard, real hard.

5. i need confidence. i need to work on it.

2009-05-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

i'm just SO tired of NOT living my life likes its golden.

it's like i believe that next year everything is going to magically get better.

sick

2009-03-07T18:45:00.001-08:00

I've been sick, and in bed all day. but i must say i love antihistamines. <3 they work way better than dayquil and nightquil. :) the county of milwaukee is starting to grow on me. i like the city, the public transportation, and the shopping centers. but i'm still working on the social aspect of it all. basically i'm putting it all off for next year. i'll be joining clubs and stuff like i'm a freshman.

I'm feeling slightly miserable...

2009-02-22T16:11:00.000-08:00

Let's be honest here for a moment. I hate being in Milwaukee. It's lonely, and boring. The people so far, are either hit or miss. Some friendly... Some not so friendly.

I'm glad I was able to go down to Chicago last week. I miss all my friends down there. It was so weird, like I never left. I miss Chicago.

I'm not motivated to do anything! My roommate/suite-mates go home every weekend, so I have the whole suite to myself all weekend to study. But I don't. I watch ANTM marathons on TV... And I catch up on Grey's, The Secret Life, Degrassi, and the Real World...

I'm running low on money. Basically. I might have to work at Fed-Ex full time this summer... :( FML. End of Story.

BUT!!! I'm excited to say I'm going chop off my hair soon. I'm going to go see if Judy thinks there is enough new growth to chop it over spring break, or else She is going to do it in June!!!

I'm starting back on my diet and workout plan tomorrow. I'm so out of shape right now. And that is going to change. :)

xoxo

2009-02-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very odd today. According to my last.fm, I've listened to well over 100 tracks today... I don't know what to think of this. I usually just listen to music while I do homework, which is what I have been doing. :( This sucks.

Any who, I'm joining SWE tomorrow, and maybe a volunteer organization. I dunno. I still feel lonely, but sadly, I'm getting used to it. sleep. class. study. homework. I hate it. Maybe there's more to it... I'm just afraid I'll never find anyone. And I'll be the old mean lady that lives down the street? ha. hopefully not.

x0x0

2009-02-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

Death Cab for Cutie = <3

I'm still adjusting. I'm going down to Chicago next weekend, so that should be good. I have a ton of stuff to do this week, oh the joys of being in the College of Engineering and Applied Sciences. I joined NSBE which is exciting. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a conference soon, but first I have to figure myself out. What type of Engineering I want to do, and where I want to work. :) I'm excited. I still don't have many friends, just my roommate, who is SUPER. I mean, REALLY SUPER! We have had some pretty good conversations.

So, as of now I'm not that concerned about not having any friends, because don't have time for a social life. TOO MUCH STUDYING! But, I guess that is what I get for taking 17 credits worth of Engineering and Science classes. But oddly, I'm loving it!

xoxo

Adri

2009-02-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

So, I just transferred to a new school. And it kinda sucks. I'm in the "upperclassmen" dorms and everyone already has friends. It's so HARD to meet people. I already suck at making friends and this whole transfer student thing isn't making matters any better. I'm just so worried that I won't make friends, and I'll be stuck in milwaukee friendless for the next 3 yrs. Oh well, It's only been 1 weeks, I have to pray and stay positive, about the social aspect of things... <#

Twilight

2008-11-22T13:51:00.000-08:00

So, I just got back from the movie theater! I saw twilight! It was amazing!! I loved Bella's Lullaby. I hope they do the other three books of the series, because I want to see more of Jacob Black. As I watched it, I feel in love with Edward Cullen all over again, like the first time I read the series. People said that Robert Pattinson did a bad job at acting the role. But I personally loved him. But I'm still on Team Jacob. <3

xoxo

Adrianna

2008-11-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

So, today was a weird day. My Multivariable Calculus class was cancelled so I wasted my day on YouTube. :P But I think I deserved a day off from studying. I also got payed today, it was a small check, but it's better than nothing. When I went to deposit it, at the groccey store bank, this kinda cute african guy started talking to me. It was flattering, but I hate it when guys do this. The whole,

"Hey, What's your name?"

"Adrianna"

"Thats a beautiful name, Can I have your number so that we can talk sometime? I saw you in the bank... :)"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Hmm- I'm busy"

"Aww, really?"

"Yeah."

"To busy to talk to me?"

"Yeah, sorry!"

It's just so awkward, on so many levels. It kinda reminded me of this (on a smaller scale):

xoxo

Adrianna