Sorry about the somewhat depressing blog yesterday. I need to quit that. :)

On and much brighter note, things could be much worse.

So, I've been here a month, wait no, more like six weeks. I still haven't found my place. Sure, I'm in a much better position compared to last year. But really, I'm still lonely, and friendless. But I do know a lot more people, so that's good... And I've been volunteering and I'm hopefully going to go on a service trip this spring break. :) If I don't make friends on that, I know, I'm hopeless. :(

I feel like i have some sort of social anxiety.

That aside, I can't seem to get into my classes. I go to them, but I don't really study as much as I used to. It's kind of like. I don't care? But I do, I swear I do.

I just feel like this year, overall, has been a very hard one for me. Moving to a new city, losing lots of friends, dealing with racism like no other..

.

.

.

i miss my grandma. i think about her everyday. and i never thought that i could miss someone so much. she was seriously, my rock. she would guide me down the right path.. and now without her i feel like my world is falling apart. my uncle is not the same, my mother is tired as ever, my dad is more and more overwhelmed with work, my brother is the same as always, and my sister, who has always had tons of friends, is having a hard time at college.

then there is me. lonely broken adrianna. i feel like a pea without a pod.

i feel like a lone wolf. or maybe an ugly duckling, because i don't look like anyone here. and i certainly wasn't raised like them either.

i can't seem to get it right. i feel trapped..

xoxo

FRESH START

Today is the first day of my "fresh start", new classes, new year, new almost EVERYTHING. But I can't help but worry that I might fall back into my old ways. But I will try harder this year. :)

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm praying for a change.

Adrianna

oh hey blog, i forgot all about you. i've got some thoughts to write down. 

1. School. In a month I will be back at UWM, an I have to decided what I want to get out of school. And I want more than just my Engineering Degree. I am almost half way done with college, and i can't help but say that i got more out of high school. maybe it has to do with the fact that i've transfered school, but i really don't have that many friends in milwaukee, sad but true. i have a new on campus job. so hopefully i'll make some friends with that. i'm thinking about joining a historically black sorority but who knows. all i do is pray that i'll be able to find a group of people i feel comfortable with in milwaukee, because i know that they are there.

2. Michael Jackson. People don't realize how much he truly meant to the black community. and i don't think they ever will. he meant CHANGE. he was the first of many things. i've ALWAYS, loved MJ, and i piece of him will live though me.

3. physics. i got an F on my first test. then on two test i got B's. and on this last one a got an A. most improved? most likely. :) too bad i have a C, and a huge final at the end of the week, i better do well. time to study?

4. myself. currently i'm overweight and i'm trying to lose 20 lbs, to get down to a healthy weight, but it's hard, real hard. 

5. i need confidence. i need to work on it. 

<3

i'm just SO tired of NOT living my life likes its golden.

it's like i believe that next year everything is going to magically get better.

sick

I've been sick, and in bed all day. but i must say i love antihistamines. <3 they work way better than dayquil and nightquil. :) the county of milwaukee is starting to grow on me. i like the city, the public transportation, and the shopping centers. but i'm still working on the social aspect of it all. basically i'm putting it all off for next year. i'll be joining clubs and stuff like i'm a freshman.

I'm feeling slightly miserable...

Let's be honest here for a moment. I hate being in Milwaukee. It's lonely, and boring. The people so far, are either hit or miss. Some friendly... Some not so friendly.

I'm glad I was able to go down to Chicago last week. I miss all my friends down there.  It was so weird, like I never left. I miss Chicago.

I'm not motivated to do anything! My roommate/suite-mates go home every weekend, so I have the whole suite to myself all weekend to study. But I don't. I watch ANTM marathons on TV... And I catch up on Grey's, The Secret Life, Degrassi, and the Real World...

I'm running low on money. Basically. I might have to work at Fed-Ex full time this summer... :( FML. End of Story.

BUT!!! I'm excited to say I'm going chop off my hair soon. I'm going to go see if Judy thinks there is enough new growth to chop it over spring break, or else She is going to do it in June!!!

I'm starting back on my diet and workout plan tomorrow. I'm so out of shape right now. And that is going to change. :) 

xoxo