Sorry about the somewhat depressing blog yesterday. I need to quit that. :)

On and much brighter note, things could be much worse.

So, I've been here a month, wait no, more like six weeks. I still haven't found my place. Sure, I'm in a much better position compared to last year. But really, I'm still lonely, and friendless. But I do know a lot more people, so that's good... And I've been volunteering and I'm hopefully going to go on a service trip this spring break. :) If I don't make friends on that, I know, I'm hopeless. :(

I feel like i have some sort of social anxiety.

That aside, I can't seem to get into my classes. I go to them, but I don't really study as much as I used to. It's kind of like. I don't care? But I do, I swear I do.

I just feel like this year, overall, has been a very hard one for me. Moving to a new city, losing lots of friends, dealing with racism like no other..

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i miss my grandma. i think about her everyday. and i never thought that i could miss someone so much. she was seriously, my rock. she would guide me down the right path.. and now without her i feel like my world is falling apart. my uncle is not the same, my mother is tired as ever, my dad is more and more overwhelmed with work, my brother is the same as always, and my sister, who has always had tons of friends, is having a hard time at college.

then there is me. lonely broken adrianna. i feel like a pea without a pod.

i feel like a lone wolf. or maybe an ugly duckling, because i don't look like anyone here. and i certainly wasn't raised like them either.

i can't seem to get it right. i feel trapped..

xoxo